


Homesickness

by nhasablog



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Parents, Fluffy Ending, M/M, Tickling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-23
Updated: 2016-09-23
Packaged: 2018-08-16 21:41:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8118535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nhasablog/pseuds/nhasablog
Summary: Sirius wakes up feeling homesick in his own bed and doesn’t understand why.





	

There were more than one type of homesickness. There was that overwhelming one that filled your entire body with longing, and you just missed and missed so deeply that you weren’t sure if you were ever going to feel at ease again. Sirius had felt that one a lot.

Then there was that type that left you empty. Numb. You knew that something was wrong, terribly wrong, but you also knew you couldn’t change it. Sirius had felt that one more often recently.

But there was also a third kind. The unexpected and brief one that left you confused and somewhat lonely after it had passed. You never knew what you felt homesick for, and you weren’t sure you would ever find out.

That was the one Sirius woke up feeling that morning. Opening his eyes to a brand new dawn, blinking, and then being hit by the sudden longing for just a few seconds. He blinked again, took in the familiar sight of his room, the feeling of the covers hugging his body like every morning. This was his life and had been for the past few years. Sometimes, if he was exhausted or drained, he could feel those other types of homesickness, but he’d never experienced the fleeting one, and he didn’t know what to make of it.

He’d woken up feeling homesick in his own bed. Maybe he wasn’t as over things as he’d thought.

He rubbed at his eyes angrily. He hated how his feelings worked. Hogwarts was a better home than his family home had ever been, so for him to subconsciously miss his old bed while lying in the first and only one that had ever mattered was ridiculous. He didn’t miss his family nor the suffocating walls of that house, and yet homesickness, albeit a fleeting kind, had decided to hit him. He usually only felt homesick if he was forced to spend some time away from Hogwarts. Lying in his dorm room did not qualify as being away from Hogwarts.

He sat up, his head spinning, and looked around the room. Remus was the only one there, excluding himself. He was observing him from his own bed.

“Are you okay? You look a little confused.”

Sirius shook his head. “I’m fine.”

Remus raised an eyebrow. “You don’t seem fine.”

“Don’t I?”

“Not really.”

“Oh.” Sirius picked at the covers. “That’s because I lied.”

“I know.” He paused. “Want to talk about it?”

Sirius only had time to nod before Remus was at his side, making him scoot over a bit so that he could get under the covers with him.

“Now,” he said as he settled down. “Talk.”

Sirius didn’t even know where to start. “Do you ever feel homesick, Moony?”

“I do,” Remus replied slowly.

“I do too, but usually it’s when I’m away from here. This place’s more of a home to me than anyplace.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, well.” Sirius closed his eyes for a few seconds too long for it to be considered a blink. “I woke up feeling homesick today, and I’m not sure why.”

Remus was silent for a moment, and Sirius didn’t really feel an urge to speak either. Instead he watched his boyfriend’s face, observed the way he seemed far away, and wondered what he was thinking.

“Feelings are complicated,” Remus finally said. “You can’t always control them, and sometimes they’re only a momentary thing. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

Sirius bit the inside of his cheek. “But what if it does?”

“If it does then it’s okay. You’ve spent your whole life in that house. For a while it was all you knew. It’s only human to feel a connection to it, even though you also hate it.”

“I do hate it,” Sirius piped in. “So much. I’m so mad that my brain forced me to miss it, even for just a second.”

“Hey.” Remus’ hand found his. “Don’t blame your brain. It’s smart enough to make you realize that you don’t actually want to go back there, isn’t it?”

“That’s true.”

“You’re at Hogwarts with me. You’re at a place where people love you.”

“That’s good, because I love those people too.”

They smiled at each other, and Sirius was sure that if James had been in the room they would’ve never heard the end of it.

Remus glanced at the window. “It’s getting lighter. Want to go get breakfast?”

“Can we stay here for a while first?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me.”

“I know. Thank you.”

* * *

 

Ever since that morning it became a habit for Remus and Sirius to hide away from the world for a bit before getting up to face it, especially on days where things didn’t feel quite right. Just one look could tell the other that leaving the dorm was something they would rather not do, and no matter what they would crawl under the covers for a few minutes and talk or not talk. They found that it helped them a lot.

Hogwarts had woken up to a glistening coat of snow covering the ground, and pretty much everyone had rushed outside as soon as they’d noticed to cherish it, but Sirius didn’t feel like joining them just yet, and thus Remus stayed behind too. They were in Sirius’ bed, side by side, the covers embracing their bodies and keeping them warm.

“You can almost hear everyone shrieking with joy,” Sirius commented.

Remus hummed, his gaze stuck on the ceiling. “So why didn’t you want to join them? Want to talk about it? Not talk about it?”

Sirius shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong. Honestly,” he added when Remus turned to give him a look. “I just felt like staying here for a moment. Lord knows today will bring even more chaos than usual.”

“I thought you were the king of chaos.”

“Oh, I am, but even a king has to rest.” He pointed to himself. “This doesn’t come all naturally.”

Remus snorted. “I could’ve guessed that from the ages you spend in the bathroom.”

Sirius frowned. “Snark? This early in the morning? Must be a day.”

“You love my snark.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Hey.” Remus poked Sirius’ side. “Don’t be rude.”

“Hey.” Sirius batted his hand away. “Don’t tickle me.”

“But what if I want to?”

“Don’t.”

“Too late.”

Too late it was. Remus trapped Sirius between his body and the wall and launched a very one sided tickle attack on his boyfriend’s upper body. Sirius reacted instantly; his body curling up, hands flying to Remus’ wiggling fingers, laughter spilling out of his mouth. He’d never been able to resist this, and Remus knew it all too well. Sirius had claimed that he wasn’t ticklish for months after the discovery had been made. Sometimes he even denied his sensitivity while being tickled and laughing his head off. He couldn’t help it. Pretending he wasn’t ticklish was as natural as laughing while he got tickled.

“Stohohop it!” he cried as Remus zeroed in on a spot on his lower stomach. Despite how much he tried he was never able to push him away.

“This is what you get for calling me rude,” Remus replied happily and Sirius nearly died.

They had spend many mornings like this, and they both knew it wouldn’t last very long since they usually needed to be somewhere else within the next ten minutes, so Remus quickly attacked Sirius’ worst spots before backing off. For a moment they just stayed there and breathed, content and comfortable.

“One day I’m probably gonna be homesick for this too,” Sirius eventually said.

“You can’t be homesick since me tickling you isn’t a place.”

“You know what I meant.”

“I did. I just like teasing you.”

“Because you’re mean.”

Remus smiled. “Of course I am.” A pause, and then, “Wanna get up now?”

“Just five more minutes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [tumblr](http://nhasablog.tumblr.com)


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